hints, allegations and everything left unsaid

2011-10-17T18:54:00.004+08:00

three years has passed, it feels to me like it was just over a year ago since we met but three years? wow, I'm just as impressed with that number as yourself. We were strangers, just living both our lives and trying to find the right path to take. I'm sure there's a cliche around here but that doesn't matter. I think, I know..we tend to take things for granted. We're comfortable with each other, we know each others ever changing moods (especially during those weird PMS days which I try to hide under a rock until that hormone induced rage/tantrum subsides), you can tell whether I'm telling the truth just by looking at my face. We often find ourselves saying the same thing during a conversation as if our brains were interconnected/synced by iCloud or when we look at each other after a particular scene with the same reaction while watching a movie.

We had our shares of up's and down's and disappointments, and of course lots of joys and some of life's pain which I know isn't that abnormal but just a part of being alive. Isn't it funny how it all started? I'm not even sure if there was any fireworks or any kind of parade, but well here we are. The state or concept of being in a relationship but not really (confusing) but well we didn't really mind didn't we? As long as we jived, as long as we are we, we didn't care. But somehow I knew one of us was eventually gonna ask THE question "what's next?" or "when?". Which brings me to my next barrage of blabber. I love you, I want you to be mine...to be officially mine. (DISCLAIMER: this isn't a wedding proposal so no dreams of weddings yet okay??)

There is no one else I want except you, there's no else I can imagine walking the aisle towards me except you, despite your nagging nature, your perfectionism (but please do relax on that area okay, cut the guy some slack) So there, can we please make it official? Can you be mine?

PS.
Next years gonna be one heck of a year God willing. Be ready :)

2011-10-10T18:57:00.003+08:00

somehow, sometimes you get the feeling that even relationships are a test. Like some kind of
"king of the hill" type performance evaluation. At the office I get to listen to hundreds perhaps thousands of calls a month (just kiddin') i grade the reps based on parameters and identifiers the quality department created for a specific client or account. On relationships, I get evaluated based on how I look, react to relatives or important family members. What about a litmus test? it's that tough. I don't know about you but when it comes to "unconditional love" I'm certain that when it comes to my relationship..well that it's just basically a concept. The truth is, I am being evaluated, analyzed and audited based on my performance, reactions, the ability and the amount of vigor I still have when it comes to shopping (hours and hours of walking around). And so as I've mentioned "unconditional love" when it comes to relationships is just merely a concept. My feet hurts like hell and the nagging is like dripping water from a leaky faucet.

Unsure

2011-08-04T03:38:00.003+08:00

I've asked you a thousand times
I've doubted you throughout that my name should be Thomas
I've kept my cool while my entire world turned upside down, inside out
I was unsure
But now I'm not sure about being unsure anymore

I've tasted the unknown
Journeyed far from home, the place I called my own
I've fought, I've died a thousand times
I was unsure
But now I'm not sure about being unsure anymore

Rollin' like a roller coaster out of control
I'm a storm out of season
I'm winter in the middle of spring
I was unsure
But now I'm not sure about being unsure anymore

(words by JY)

Two days before Christmas

2010-12-23T17:53:00.002+08:00

After an uneventful "management" party at the pantry, here I am typing away at the keyboard, now all alone here at the office listening to Bruno Mars music (yikes.). That party was just aweful, just aweful, I can't believe I'm saying this. I guess I should still give credit to the people who organized it. You could feel that tension in the air, people trying to be friendly with people they hate lol.

2010-11-09T15:14:00.002+08:00

It's easy to understand the Starbuck's magnetism on Filipino's. Every Starbucks store radiates with the promise of great coffee and best of class service. People are drawn to the brand itself rather than to the products that the store sells. I have had my good days and bad days with Starbucks, bad days pointing to bitter, charcoal tasting coffee and good days to some good (not bad but not great) coffee. One of the reasons why I go to there is usally the crowd, the yuppies, together with the twenty something's band together with the kikay crowd and wannabee cool teens, its a great place to stare and to do some people watching. But its really not a good place to take your journal or laptop for some good writing, the crowd is brash and often too loud for some thinking.

This is what I miss about the States, the Philippines have a weird take on cafe culture, they really don't get it, it reminds me of a "gimmick" culture rather than a real cafe. Back in the States, its quite different, at least they have an understanding of the Italian cafe culture.

I miss drinking great coffee, I miss the sights and sounds of a real cafe. The tamping and hissing sounds as the barista creates art out of a handful of delicately roasted arabica. I hate in the deepest sense of the word, the bitter and foul tasting liquid that I am offered each time I visit Starbucks. And I beg to disagree with Mr. Shultz, the best way to roast coffee isn't always dark. But there is hope for coffee lovers like me, stores like Bo's and Figaro offer a quiet reprieve from the everyday life. A place to think, to write and drink a great cup of coffee.

2010-11-05T15:19:00.002+08:00

Between sleep and being awake, I sat inside the cab in silence. Listening to the sound of the rain outside, stop and go, I slide in and out of sleep. I’m trying to survive on a meager diet of instant cup noodles and gallons of neon colored energy drink. Radio music like background static, I try to focus on the words but my sleep starved brain was too tired to decipher. Finally I arrived at my destination, a dark old four storey building, I passed by a half asleep security guard, he looks at me with a blank stare and then goes back to sleep.

I opened-up my computer, there were a thousand and one messages waiting to be answered. I paused, closed my email, they could wait.

Saturday scribbles

2010-02-13T09:17:00.003+08:00

It's 9:14 in the morning still at the office, finishing up my reports for the week. Rest of the other QA's are doin' some calibration with one of the trainer and some ops people from non-voice. Excited to to watch a Repertoire Philippines play later at greenbelt..the thing is that means no sleep for me. Gotta go home, take a shower, dressup and get to makati before the rest of the valentines/saturday crowd turns active. (QA talk in the background etc. stats, variants, calibration..) gotta get these things off my head, its the weekends! wohhoo!

2010-02-10T08:23:00.002+08:00

Drawn to pictures
unknown worlds i see
cut me up and you'll know whats inside
draw you in further, deeper down this hole
leave your life for awhile.

2010-01-14T01:31:00.003+08:00

Where do dreams go when they fade away? Why do tears fall and souls sigh? Just a bit of heaven, a sunrise to fill each heart. Weary hands, tired little feet, put your hope in God. There is more than a silver lining to each dark cloud, though sometimes He cannot be found, when faith can't seem abound, when the sun still refuses to shine, don't despair, what can't be seen with open eyes might still be viewed through closed eyes and bended knees. Rest now my soul, put your trust in God.

"Leaving all y false infinites"

2009-12-14T23:09:00.006+08:00

Falling away from all that I believed, my false infinites...I'm coming back to to the place I once knew. Falling down, looking up, reaching out. Walking past the borderlands, leaving the crossroads, I'm back to a place I once knew. That face, your touch, this heart...these hands. The Infinite, reflections of a world both familiar and strange to me, I catch a glimpse of a future home, I'm leaving my false infinites.

The calm before the storm..

2009-12-11T00:58:00.003+08:00

I seat in front of a computer in a half empty room, the QA manager just seating across from me. Sipping on ice tea and trying to write something cool. But my sleep starved brain doesn't work the same way it did when I was still doing the normal shift (a morning job). Why do I keep on doing this? Besides the money which isn't really that big anyway if you consider all the possible diseases you'll get from working an 11-8 job which includes high blood pressure etc, the means just doesn't justify the end, my salary won't even pay for a weeks stay in a hospital if it comes to that. I guess its just for the love of it, the thrill that I get when I work with people, overcoming differences and aiming for a common goal..hmm, sounds like church to me, but without the complexities and irritants of working with people of the same faith.

Just like a child who has outgrown his old clothes, I still try to fit but I constantantly find myself yawning at everything. All those multimedia extravaganza highlighted by powerpoint presentations to the honest yet hohumm bible study group I was attending. I tried to look the other way, I try to be as christian-like, singing those songs for the umpteenth time, trying to feed in all the teachings of the pastor,..but for all I know I sometimes still come home feeling emptier. No, I'm not trying to lambast the church, no I'm not tryng to be self-righteous, I guess I've just outgrown the church. Nowadays, God's presence would visit me not inside a church building nor within a church small group, nowadays I often meet God face to face when I'm talking to a stranger, a colleague, reading a good book or just looking at the skies. I find myself more ministered to when I'm alone and it's just me and him talking..its just me and him without all the facade. I still enjoy attending church and being with God's people, I still enjoy their fellowship, but when I feel lost and I need to see the big picture, I'd rather go out and see the world, see it's peoples.. for there I often see... feel His heartbeat.

Smooth Temptations..

2009-12-05T20:58:00.002+08:00

I am currently seating inside Gloria Jeans here at Mall Of Asia, now I usually go to Starbucks for my caffein kick but as usual SB was swarming with kinds and 20somethings with their laptops and Havaianas and there wasn't a spare seat in site. Reluctantly I had to look for an alternative, and there it was..Gloria Jeans, lots of room and seats. I looked at their menu and I asked "What's your Frapuccino type drink?" haha..I'm such a Starbucks fan. The barista pointed me to (to be continued)

Countdown to FB

2009-07-31T08:19:00.000+08:00

I know right, I'm a creature of habit and new stuff scares me. While the rest of the universe has already migrated to this wonder of a site called FaceBook, I was just quite content updating my FS for quite awhile until now. So the countdown begins, i'm starting to packup my stuff and preparing for myself for the inevitable..it's like that "what the heck is a cellphone?" and yeah goodbye pocketbell pager lol.

2008-10-06T18:47:00.004+08:00

It's hard to understand life's twisted roads and passages, it is disconcerting at times and for many of us life has treated us more cruel than kind. It's winding roads are littered with tears, heartaches and broken dreams and promises. Abandoned hearts longing for the love that was lost, longing and in want of the places and faces from their past. The coldness lingers inside each broken soul, its icy sting callouses the warmest of hearts..hardened and dead.

But tenderness does return, for every tear...comes a hand to wipe it. For every sorrow, joy begins. For every shattered heart...there is healing. For every sigh...comes a new hope. Life begins and the breath of a new beginning starts. For every closed door another one is open, for every goodbye there is a hello. Unrequited love is returned. I have learned that goodness always triumphs over evil, that weakened knees are made strong once more. We only need to return to the source of goodness and true love...love that never says goodbye, is always accepting, unchanging, ever faithful. A love strong enough to face death and triumphs over it. I wonder how many people have had their hearts broken...how many more do they have to go through before they surrender to grace. For me I await with fervent expectation what His grace will do next for me. He is unbelievably gentle and kind to touch and restore so that a pauper like me can learn to dance again.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (Amplified Bible)

4Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.

5It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].

6It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.

7Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].

Perfect Strangers

2008-10-03T11:18:00.001+08:00

Was it merely an attraction? A newfound interest along the way? A love that came in too easy and went away just as fast.. we were needy for love and comfort so we found each other along this life's way. Two souls lost amongst the faces and the crowd. We were looking for something we did not know and in that search for the unknown we found each other. We thought we were moving in the same direction..but all it was a temporary reprieve from all that was lost in the past. We held hands, our eyes transfixed and we both found comfort for awhile, a secluded refuge in the midst of our personal storms..yet human hearts have a way of being restless..of wanting to be free, easily bored by the normal so we crave for the excitement of the unknown. So here we are again..perfect strangers, blindly finding our way through faces and the crowds again. Why do strangers become lovers and lovers become strangers? When does love begin and how does it end? Why do hearts that started to heal are ripped open once again? Maybe because the other loves too much and another loves too little..

Ghosts of Rwanda: a documentary; an introspect

2008-09-24T15:42:00.007+08:00

I have watched various documentaries in the past, since I was young I was already interested the socio-political dynamics around the globe..its a very complicated world out there, were religion, politics and personal interests intermixed with humanity. I did a lot of travelling in the past as well, many countries, people, places, events..these have worked their way into my very core..my soul. Human beings are such an interesting species..capable of so much love, creativity and intelligence than all the other species in this earth, but also so capable of so much hatred, to such extent that we would try to wipe out each other. I sometimes wonder if we really did come from apes, I guess if we did, the evolutionists might have a point, because our actions don't amount too much as human beings..I guess we really are more like apes, barbaric and inhuman..or is it because we are spiralling down to this because we have thrown God out of the window and out of our system..I do wonder sometimes..

Please watch if you have the time.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/ghosts/

or type in "ghosts of rwanda" in youtube.

2008-09-18T21:10:00.002+08:00

The crisp sound of paper being browsed, the smell of both old and new. The eyes of my mind are opened, spiritually whisked away to the unknown, I grab on to her wings, she turns her head and winks as the goddess of fables and dreams rescues me from the mundane. I looked at her and I burst out laughing; "yes! yes! take me away from the ordinariness of everything, restore my vision and release me from the conventionality of my life. Pictures...paintings, limitless colors. I heard the sounds of another world, not of my own, unfamiliar yet I embraced them as if they were a long lost brother. Higher, higher...in ecstacy I relished everything, for I know that of which is now of the present will become lost in memory. Suddenly she releases me, she who has been given the power over present and future, I started to fall, "No not yet!" I shouted, but I continued my seemingly endless fall. I wasn't afraid of death.

...I opened my eyes and I was still in bed, I smiled...tomorrow night..I will fly again.

get me out of here!

2008-09-18T15:29:00.002+08:00

i have lived in a world manufactured by the delusional, a masterpiece of their imaginations. Although they suffer everyday, they are irrational and unopened to rational thinking, they have closed their minds to new things. Every tick and tock of the clock, every coming and going of each day they seemingly convince themselves that everything is okay and their lives are normal.They are bent to achieve a goal that is to the sane mind a wonderful pie in the sky life, where money comes down from heaven and food is delivered to your doorstep by some unknown entity. They suffer silently, pious looking yet hypocrites to the core. They have left every bit of logic and trash rationality out the door. Please do not judge me if I seemed unfair in my accusations, forgive if I doubt, but I would rather be in this crossroads of faith and doubt than to dwell in a world customed fit only for those who no longer enjoy living in this life. I sometimes wonder, is this all there is to it? I beg you not to categorize me, or fit me in some psychological bubble. Take off those rose colored glasses and see the world as I see it, at least please do try..

on to some geeky stuff/ espresso passion

2008-09-14T11:53:00.005+08:00

Let me start by saying that coffee drinking is supposed to be a sensory experience, it starts with the music that starts with the sound of the espresso machine, the hissing melody as the wand touches the milk, the tamping of the portafilter, highly trained baristas who are coffee lovers themselves, the aroma of the coffee and finally the first sip as liquid gold touches your tongue…it is passion, it is art. So many stores have this huge sign hanging from every corner of their store shouting, best tasting coffee in the world or best espresso in the universe! and then you order one, and you get this stale tasting black thing in a styrofoam cup with no crema! What is this thing? Did i just pay 150 pesos for this?? But of course there are those experience wherein you order from a unknown coffee shop like perhaps a Bo’s coffee or some startup coffee nook, then your eyes pop and you get what Mark Prince describes as "the epiphany moment" and when you have that, its like you have this singular moment in time wherein you say to yourself, this is it..this is what I have imagine how it would be…this is espresso, this is the pinnacle, the apogee of what coffee should be. Remember the four M’s of an Italian espresso?; the heart and soul of real espresso is broken down to 4 important parts; Machine ( espresso machine), Macinzaione (grinder), Miscela (coffee) and Mano (the person making the shot). Without these four important components, there is no espresso, there is no coffee, all you have in your hands is a cup of high-priced sludge with a brandname on it. That is why I have this utter disdain over push-button machines which requires no skill, no interaction between person and machine.

Anyways! on to the geek stuff:

I have been thinking about getting a new espresso machine since my old one for some reason or another stopped working, well I could still hear the pump working but well no water is coming out of my portafilter, I think its clogged or something but anyway I’ve kept dreaming about that new Rancilio Silvia, it cost around 500 bucks in the States and in some storeds I heard its getting a bit higher. Its the best amongst the consumer level machines our there and very much touted amongst baristas and at the coffeegeek website. Now that Starbucks is very much out of my rulebook, its hightime to start looking for another coffee shop that sells real coffee or if you have enought moolah to spare, just get yourself your own espresso machine, get some barista training whether from some training centre or online and with a lot of practice, believe me you’re gotte be better than some of of the baristas at starbucks. Start with some basic coffee training, which includes coffee tasting if you’re really into being a real coffee connoisseur. I guess this is really all about counter culture, for some of us its not just about hanging out and just being seen on some wickedly fashionable cafe but really we are about how the coffee taste, we use words like clarity, complexity, balance or sweetness, we care about the body and the acidity of the coffee, and yes we know whether the coffee taste too damned burned and too roasted. Now going back to the Rancilio, its just beyond my reach as of this time but well who knows I’m just too geeky to pass off a good deal if I find a nicely priced Silvia, the thought of a nice shiny chromed espresso machine at home and the taste of real espresso is just the stuff wetdreams are made of. By the way, if you’re looking for a place to get a nice cup’o joe, try Bo’s Coffee, they’re not too crowded if you’re looking for a place to converse or just plunge into a good book, their coffee is a mixture of locally grown robustas and imported arabicas, their frapps are also quite good if you’re into that stuff. And yeah, I believe they still use old fashion espresso machines, that means they still manually check temperatures and do the tamping by hand which requires the skill of a correctly trained barista. That’s it for our coffee/geek talk for today. By the way, congrats to the Philippine wooshoo team for baggin’ the gold, I know I know it’s supposed to be an exhibition sport only, but its far better than getting no medals at all, cuz that really sulks you know. Oh well, umaasa pa kasi tayo. haha

The Rancilio Silvia

2008-09-14T11:53:00.001+08:00

(Whether you’re a barista, espresso/coffee connoisseur, this machine is definitely a must have.)

"Well, the current Rancilio Silvia models not only have that very same
minimalistic yet strong looking badge on the front panel above the
steam knob, but also on the back of the machine! Very cool stuff. If
you have an open kitchen concept, you get to proudly
show your brand
loyalty to the folks sitting in your dining room or living room. And
I’m not being facetious here - the Silvia has always been perceived as
a machine of substance, and subtle, no-nonsense yet professional
branding is always a good thing.

"The grouphead is the beefy, separated design (ie, the boiler and
grouphead are two parts, instead of a single unit, like on the Gaggia
machines) that is all marine grade brass. It should do a very good job
retaining temperature once the machine is fully heated up. It features
a removable dispersion screen and block (basically a heavy brass disk
designed in part to retain heat), and the standard ring type group
gasket, which the user can replace every few years.

The Rancilio
Silvia is a "3 way solenoid valve" machine, meaning that a valve
immediately opens up after you finish brewing, relieving pressure from
the portafilter".

article taken from www.coffeegeek.com (review of the Rancilio Silvia)

Thursday, July 17, 2008 Theology’s Challenge: Incest and Apes

2008-07-20T10:50:00.003+08:00

http://www.crosswalk.com/blogs/JWhite/11579319/

I have long told my students that the doctrine of humanity is, by far, the most pressing doctrine of our day, for it is the area of Christian thought that is most challenged by the world in which we live, and the nature of those challenges tend to leave most Christians bereft of any sense of knowing how to respond.

For one, there is no rich historical vein of theological reflection to pull from, at least in terms of our current cultural conversation; find me a reflection from Origen or Athanasius, Luther or Melanchthon, Barth or Brunner, that speaks to stem-cell research, human cloning, or homosexual rights. Yes, there is much on what constitutes humanity, the nature of humanity in relation to God, and the boundaries of sexual ethics - but the issues of our day are asking questions that leave previous theological discourse sorely lacking. As the first five centuries hammered out Christology, and later generations tackled everything from the Holy Sprit to revelation, ours may be the day that is forced to examine the doctrine of humanity in ways that serve the church for years to come.

And the challenge is real.

Consider the London Times report titled “I used to have sex with my brother but I don’t feel guilty about it” which offered a detailed narrative of a woman’s sexual relationship with her biological brother from the time of 14 to nearly 30, until he met another person and married. Their sexual trysts were revealed as part of a tale of sibling intimacy and friendship that ended with the ubiquitous reasoning that they were not hurting anyone, so why make it so wrong? Much was made that her brother, only a year older, never pushed himself on her and that she was a willing participant. The author’s lament is that something “so lovely and natural to me would be regarded as abhorrent.”

At the time of this writing, it continues to be the most read story on the newspapers website, with the vast majority of the posted feedback I read supportive in nature.

And then there was news of a Spanish parliamentary committee which adopted resolutions that would give great apes, such as chimpanzees and gorillas, the right to life, freedom from arbitrary captivity and protection from torture.

In other words, the same legal rights as humans.

The reasoning is based almost entirely on what it means to be human, which, according to the naturalistic philosophy in place in our world, is entirely genetic. “Chimps…share 98.5% of human DNA, making them as genetically close to humans as horses are to zebras,” notes USA Today. So why not treat man’s closest genetic relative with the legal and cultural rights they so genetically deserve? What else, to the naturalistic mind, would there be to consider?

A court case from Austria is going further, wanting to actually declare a chimp a person so the animal could have a legal guardian and funds for upkeep. Sound absurd? The European Court of Human Rights is now considering an appeal on behalf of a 28-year-old chimp named Matthew Hiasl Pan. “If Matthew should win,” noted USA Today International, “the case would set a legal precedent across Europe to treat apes with some of the same rights as people.”

“I’d call is a slippery slope-plus,” says Richard Cupp, associate dean for research at California’s Pepperdine University School of Law.

Such stories represent the two great contests facing the Christian doctrine of humanity: the boundaries of accepted sexual expression, and the boundaries of accepted human identity. Granted, we may have been on watch in relation to such matters as euthanasia or infanticide, but the challenge has far more fronts to monitor.

Such as incest and apes.

Sources

“I used to have sex with my brother but I don’t feel guilty about it,” as told to Joan McFadden, times2, The London Times, Tuesday, July 15, 2008, pp. 10-11; the story can be read at www.timesonline.co.uk at http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article4332635.ece/

“Activists pursue basic legal rights for great apes,” Jeffrey Stinson, USA TODAY International. Wednesday, July 16, 2008, p. 2A. Read online at http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2008-07-15-chimp_N.htm.
****************************************************************************************************************************************

About Dr. James Emery White

James Emery White is the founding and senior pastor of Mecklenburg Community Church in Charlotte, North Carolina; President of Serious Times, a ministry which explores the intersection of faith and culture (www.serioustimes.org); and professor of theology and culture on the Charlotte campus of Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. Dr. White holds the B.S., M.Div. and Ph.D. degrees, along with additional work at Vanderbilt University and Oxford University. He is the author of over a dozen books.

2008-07-10T23:07:00.002+08:00

Thats my dsl connection using bayantel's/skydsl speed on demand. Now that's really fast. For those of who's planning to get a DSL/Broadband connection, go for Bayantel. Price/Speed of service and connection tops all the other providers. The ZTE adsl modem works great on my end also.

2008-06-19T01:13:00.001+08:00

PSP Commercials

2008-05-22T05:58:00.002+08:00

2008-05-22T05:42:00.001+08:00

2008-05-22T05:40:00.001+08:00

2008-05-22T03:03:00.002+08:00

Jumping on the PSP bandwagon

2008-05-21T03:50:00.001+08:00

It started out with colleagues bringing this strange cool device to work. It plays videos, you can surf the internet via wifi, and yeah it can play really awesome games in it too. So I started borrowing, I started playing, I started watching, fingers twitching, eyes glued to the uber cool screen, I couldn't put it down, I was hooked, addicted to this device. I thought about it, slept over it, visited websites, read reviews...finally after all that thinking, my girlfriend and I visited the mecca of electronics they called Greenhills, we shopped around, bartered, yes..bartered, she's good with that, and then finally there it was, sealed, new and shiny...my very own PSP. Well, I just have to wait until school starts again, my gf took it home with her...(sigh)Just a few more weeks and I'll be playing games on the go, imagine a world of endless possibilities, GTA riding the MRT, Tekken at Starbucks..haha. I can't wait.

2008-05-01T00:13:00.000+08:00

For some reason I got out of bed hotheaded, hmmm, probably woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Still mad for no reason...breath deep, breath in...breath out.

man minus God equals?

2008-04-08T01:26:00.000+08:00

I regularly check the news online when I'm at work to get updates about news and events around the globe. Recently, I read about two articles that somewhat gave me a glimpse of what happens when you take God out of the school system, what happens when you take prayer out of school, replace creation with evolution. Now imagine if you can, third grades plotting to hurt their teacher, taking with them a knife, handcuffs and tape just because the teacher asked one of the students who was misbehaving to go the the "timeout table"...third graders. In Australia, teenagers attacking teachers and fellow students with baseball bats and machetes, sounds familiar? Remember Columbine? America, a nation I greatly admired, their constitution provided a framework, the foundation for governance. In God We Trust, A Nation under God, phrases, words we have read time and time again, written by their nations founders and forefathers. That foundation, the values and the belief that founded their great nation is slowly being taken out by Godless men in the name of political correctness. I am surprised that they are surprised whenever incidents like these happen. They shouldn't be. When you start teaching young children that they simply evolved from one celled animals to more "advance" forms like chimps, you can be sure they'll start "aping around" or basically act like animals. Why? Why woudn't they? There is no moral reason to act like humans, there is no good, who can tell me it's wrong to hurt or kill another person, I can do whatever I want. A world without God equals chaos and believe me we are already seeing the results of this equation. I take pride in the fact that I live in the only "Christian" nation in SouthEast Asia, I take pride in the knowledge that the top institutions of learning in the country have been started by Catholic priest who believed that God and academics go together if we are to properly train the next leaders of this nation. I just hope and pray that I don't wake up one day to find prayer banned from universities and evolution has replaced creationism as the de facto teaching. God help us all.

"Say"

2008-03-27T04:47:00.004+08:00

I love the lyrics to this song, the meaning behind the words, don't wait until it's too late, open up yourself, trust again, love once again...take the risk...say it, say those words...before it's too late.
So poetic, so John Mayer. I'm so glad I made that phone call many months ago (smile)

"Say"

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems
Better put ‘em in quotations

Say what you need to say (x8)

Walking like a one-man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead
If you could only

Say what you need to say (x8)

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Than never say what you need to say

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say (repeat to fade)

2008-03-21T04:38:00.000+08:00

GM just came in, VP will be holding a meeting on Monday, we'll be coming in a few ours earlier then go home after the meeting. Thats just a few hours of work with full pay. (BIG GRIN). God is good.

2008-03-20T00:54:00.001+08:00

I passed by unknown streets, the night both warm and cold. I stared at the world outside my cab's window.
They all look the same to me, nothing different and nothing new. I sighed and stared all the more.
A day without you is like living with eternal snow. Just a few hours have passed and I am already missing you.
The warmth of your love, the softness of your touch. I embrace each picture, I caress my thoughts of you. I placed a picture of you in my mind so I can always see your face wherever I go. I miss you.

Mad Monday

2008-03-17T22:07:00.000+08:00

Start of the work week for me. Paquiao won yesterday, Military and even the MILF agreed on a ceasefire just to watch the bout. Everytime Manny does his thing inside the ring everything seems to stop, and for once the country is united. We are hungry, desperate... I may not be a politician, or a political analyst for that matter but let me give you my two cents on this issue. We are a dying race, diaspora is happening and the best of us are leaving this country for better opportunities in other countries. Government says economy is doing well, all I see is high inflation rate, high price of gasoline which basically translates to high prices of everything. You know what else I see? I see doctors studying to be nurses, the majority of students are taking up nursing with one thing in mind..going abroad. Now let me see if I can get this straight, good economy = our educated young people going abroad? hmmm.. something just doesn't connect if you get my drift. Going back to Paqiuao, man, as I've said we are hungry for change, I think we are looking for a catalyst to point the way, to give us our pride back. We need more Lozadas, more people who ain't afraid to speak the truth. I don't want another Edsa, I don't freaking care about what the opposition say's, all I want is change, for better opportunities for everyone, for the common man and without going to another country to find it. I do hope I see it in my lifetime.

2008-03-15T00:21:00.001+08:00

I'm basically trying to eat healthy this past few months, currently munching on two pieces of raisin bread and chugging on a bottle of sola apple green tea while auditing...to sustain my sugar level, need energy while working. My voice still sounds funny, hoarse and husky since Wednesday. Anyways, summer's here already and none too soon. I know my GF can't wait to start her vacation, it had been one heck of a busy month for her and she deserves it to have a vacation, I do wish we could do some traveling together before she heads home for the summer. Have some things planned out this summer, including a possibility of taking some lessons on digital photography or some summer classes on classic literature..that would be awesome. Ooopps, lunch time. gotta go.

2008-03-08T03:19:00.000+08:00

Still me, silence my shouts and cries.
Bring me to a place of quietness.
Restore my soul, lead me to a path of peace
be my refuge in the midst of my personal storm.
Still me, lead me to a place of rest.
Let me listen to everything that's gentle, everything thats real
Quiet my soul.

some minor annoyances

2008-03-07T04:34:00.002+08:00

Thank God its Friday already, I'm one of those types who live for the weekends, counting the days till Friday and dreading those Monday blues. After days of listening in to all these calls, my head is ready to explode anytime. I need a breath of fresh air, some good old conversation, a good cup of coffee...need to get back to sanity. Thank God for the weekends.

Gasping for air...

2008-03-05T00:35:00.001+08:00

Do you ever get that feeling that you're supposed to be doing something other than what you're doing right now? I do. I've been feeling like a fish out of the water lately, out of place. I have been working in this industry for almost..4 years now. It was just a rush being able to work in an entirely new enviroment from what I'm used to, that is with church, ministry and all that stuff. I remembered going through interviews during some pretty weird hours in the morning, nothings more weirder than getting a call on your cellphone with someone telling you to come up to this floor of that building at 4:am in the morning, 4:00...wow, took a cab from my apartment to makati...it was surreal. everything looked different. I'm used to normal things you know, daylight, sunlight..you get my point. It was like going through another world were people suddenly wear jackets, people live on convenience store food, weird colored drinks.... I thought man this place is weird.! I hated all the people faking and having these weird accent, what the!? Now, several years later, I'm actually one of them. Working as a QA has a lot of perks, you're somewhat like one of the bosses, you can decide who stays, who doesn't..power and yeah, a normal mon to fri sched that doesn't change, the pay is good, better than those white collared folks who decided to work through the "normal" working hours. But now, things are different, I'm getting tired of all this, I'm tired of conversations that doesn't really make sense, where people live from one paycheck to the next, where all you talk about during your spare time is money, more money, credit cards, the latest phones, girls, partys..and yes..more partys. Tiring. I don't want to be a hypocrite, I've been there done all that. But you know what, I think I wasn't really made for this, I think there's something better out there waiting for me. I remember a lot of things you know, a lot of things that I really miss; missions, travelling, talking with real people who care about a lot of things other all the material stuff, I long for sense, for depth and yeah for something real. Maybe its time to turn the key and go back to the normal life, to what I was really created for.

2008-02-20T05:25:00.002+08:00

What am I to do? How do I begin? I am bursting inside. Truth has changed me...and I can't help but tell the world around me...how love has changed me.

Point Of Difference

2008-02-20T05:23:00.001+08:00

ASCM video. Miss my seminary days

2008-02-20T05:19:00.001+08:00

Arguing the Upside of Being Down

2008-02-14T05:02:00.003+08:00

Arguing the Upside of Being Down

Eric G. Wilson, author of 'Against Happiness,' argues for the necessity of sadness
author of Against Happiness, argues for the vital need for sadness in the world. Wake Forest University

Read an excerpt from the book.

All Things Considered, February 11, 2008 · Author Eric G. Wilson has come to realize he was born to the blues, and he has made peace with his melancholy state.

But it took some time, as he writes in his new book, a polemic titled Against Happiness: In Praise of Melancholy.

At the behest of well-meaning friends, I have purchased books on how to be happy. I have tried to turn my chronic scowl into a bright smile. I have attempted to become more active, to get away from my dark house and away from my somber books and participate in the world of meaningful action. … I have contemplated getting a dog. I have started eating salads. I have tried to discipline myself in nodding knowingly. … I have undertaken yoga. I have stopped yoga and gone into tai chi. I have thought of going to psychiatrists and getting some drugs. I have quit all of this and then started again and then once more quit. Now I plan to stay quit. The road to hell is paved with happy plans.

Wilson has embraced his inner gloom, and he wishes more people would do the same.

The English professor at Wake Forest University wants to be clear that he is not "romanticizing" clinical depression and that he believes it is a serious condition that should be treated.

But he worries that today's cornucopia of antidepressants — used to treat even what he calls "mild to moderate sadness" — might make "sweet sorrow" a thing of the past.

"And if that happens, I wonder, what will the future hold? Will our culture become less vital? Will it become less creative?" he asks.

Wilson talks to Melissa Block about why the world needs melancholy — how it pushes people to think about their relation to the world in new ways and ultimately to relate to the world in a richer, deeper way.

He also explores the link between sadness, artistic creation and depression — which has led to suicide in many well-known cases: Virginia Woolf, Vincent Van Gogh, Hart Crane and Ernest Hemingway, for instance.

Wilson says perhaps this is "just part of the tragic nature of existence, that sometimes there's a great price to be paid for great works or beauty, for truth."

"We can look at the lives of Dylan Thomas, Virginia Woolf, Hart Crane and others and lament the fact that they suffered so. Yet at the same time, we're buoyed, we're overjoyed by the works they left behind," Wilson says.

The husband and father of a young daughter also acknowledges that melancholy is "difficult terrain to negotiate in domestic situations." He says there are certainly times when his family hoped he would be "happier," and yet they would not want him to pretend to feel something he doesn't.

Wilson says that by taking his melancholy seriously, his family ultimately will get to know him more deeply and develop a more intimate relationship with him.

"To get to know your partner, your spouse, your friend fully, you really have to find a way to embrace the dark as well as the light. Only then can you know that person," he says.
Excerpt: 'Against Happiness'

by Eric G. Wilson

Cover of 'Against Happiness'

Conclusion

The gene pool — before and beyond time — froths and sloshes. What flops up onto the temporal shores is a matter of chance, a product of the waves' whims. At some point this teeming reservoir of DNA spumes forth a saturnine gene, a double helix destined to produce melancholy dispositions. From this instant onward what we know as human history begins: that striving, seemingly endless, toward an ungraspable perfection, that tragic effort to reach what exceeds the grasp, to fail magnificently. This gene, this melancholy gene, has proved the code for innovation. It has produced over the centuries our resplendent towers, yearning heavenward. It has created our great epics, god-hungry. It has concocted our memorable symphonies, as tumultuously beautiful as the first ocean. Without this sorrowful genome, these sublimities would have remained in the netherworld of nonexistence. Indeed, without this genetic information, sullen and ambitious, what we see as culture in general, that empyreal realm of straining ideas, might have never arisen from the mere quest for survival, from simple killing and eating.

We can picture this in the primitive world. While the healthy bodies of the tribe were out mindlessly hacking beasts or other humans, the melancholy soul remained behind brooding in a cave or under a tree. There he imagined new structures, oval and amber, or fresh verbal rhythms, sacred summonings, or songs superior to even those of the birds. Envisioning these things, and more, this melancholy malingerer became just as useful for his culture as did the hunters and the gatherers for theirs. He pushed his world ahead. He moved it forward. He dwelled always in the insecure realm of the avant-garde.

This primitive visionary was the first of many such avant-garde melancholics. Of course not all innovators are melancholy, and not all melancholy souls are innovative. However, the scientifically proved relationship between genius and depression, between gloom and greatness suggests that the majority of our cultural innovators, ranging from the ancient dreamer in the bush to the more recent Dadaist in the city, have grounded their originality in the melancholy mood. We can of course by now understand why.

Melancholia pushes against the easy "either/or" of the status quo. It thrives in unexplored middle ground between oppositions, in the "both/and." It fosters fresh insights into relationships between oppositions, especially that great polarity life and death. It encourages new ways of conceiving and naming the mysterious connections between antinomies. It returns us to innocence, to irony, that ability, temporary, to play in potential without being constrained to the actual. Such respites from causality refresh our relationship to the world, grant us beautiful vistas, energize our hearts and our minds.

Indeed, the world is much of the time boring, controlled as it is by staid habits. It seems overly familiar, tired, repetitious. Then along comes what Keats calls the melancholy fit, and suddenly the planet again turns interesting. The veil of familiarity falls away. There before us flare bracing possibilities. We are called to forge untested links to our environments. We are summoned to be creative.

Given these virtues of melancholia, why are thousands of psychiatrists and psychologists attempting to "cure" depression as if it were a terrible disease? Obviously, those suffering severe depression, suicidal and bordering on psychosis, require serious medications. But what of those millions of people who possess mild to moderate depression? Should these potential visionaries also be asked to eradicate their melancholia with the help of a pill? Should these possible innovators relinquish what might well be their greatest muse, their demons giving birth to angels?

Right now, if the statistics are correct, about 15 percent of Americans are not happy. Soon, perhaps, with the help of psychopharmaceuticals, we shall have no more unhappy people in our country. Melancholics will become unknown.

This would be an unparalleled tragedy, equivalent in scope to the annihilation of the sperm whale or the golden eagle. With no more melancholics, we would live in a world in which everyone simply accepted the status quo, in which everyone would simply be content with the given. This would constitute a dystopia of ubiquitous placid grins, a nightmare worthy of Philip K. Dick, a police state of Pollyannas, a flatland that offers nothing new under the sun. Why are we pushing toward such a hellish condition?

The answer is simple: fear. Most hide behind the smile because they are afraid of facing the world's complexity, its vagueness, its terrible beauties. If they stay safely ensconced behind their painted grins, then they won't have to encounter the insecurities attendant upon dwelling in possibility, those anxious moments when one doesn't know this from that, when one could suddenly become almost anything at all. Even though this anxiety, usually over death, is in the end exhilarating, a call to be creative, it is in the beginning rather horrifying, a feeling of hovering in an unpredictable abyss. Most immediately flee from this situation. They try to lose themselves in the laughing masses, hoping the anxiety will never again visit them. They don inauthenticity as a mask, a disguise protecting them from the abyss.

To foster a society of total happiness is to concoct a culture of fear. Do we really want to give away our courage for mere mirth? Are we ready to relinquish our most essential hearts for a good night's sleep, a season of contentment? We must ignore the seductions of our blissed-out culture and somehow hold to our sadness. We must find a way, difficult though it is, to be who we are, sullenness and all.

Suffering the gloom, inevitable as breath, we must further accept this fact that the world hates: we are forever incomplete, but fragments of some ungraspable whole. Our unfinished natures — we are never pure actualities but always vague potentials — make life a constant struggle, a bout with the persistent unknown. But this extension into the abyss is also our salvation. To be but a fragment is always to strive for something beyond oneself, something transcendent — an unexplored possibility, an unmapped avenue. This striving is always an act of freedom, of choosing one road instead of another. Though this labor is arduous — it requires constant attention to our mysterious and shifting interiors — it is also ecstatic, an almost infinite sounding of the exquisite riddles of Being.

To be against happiness, to avert contentment, is to be close to joy, to embrace ecstasy. Incompleteness is the call to life. Fragmentation is freedom. The exhilaration of never knowing anything fully is that you can perpetually imagine sublimities beyond reason. On the margins of the known is the agile edge of existence. This is the elation of circumference. This is the rapture, burning slow, of finishing a book that can never be completed, a flawed and conflicted text, vexed as twilight.

Excerpted from Against Happiness by Eric G. Wilson. Copyright © 2008 by Eric G. Wilson. Published in January 2008 by Sarah Crichton Books, a division of Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC. All rights reserved.

ABout the new look

2008-02-14T05:02:00.001+08:00

BTW, yeah new colors huh? Just some kind of test period, I'm gonna change it to something more earth toned this week. It looks to cheerful..not my personality. Can't wait to go home and get some shuteye..say hello to the sandman.

Valentines? Whats that?

2008-02-14T05:02:00.000+08:00

I'm seeing blood all around, I mean red. All these cutesy wutesey cupid cutouts, flower vendors cashing in on their ultra priced flowers 3k for a dozen roses? the heck! what gives man!? and yeah all the lubsy dubsey couples all around..sheesh. Me? I'm at work and yeah looking forward to getting some sleep when I get home. Hopefully I'll be in a better mood when I wake up.

Ahh..the 90's, Grunge, Smashing Pumpkins, the better days of music

2008-02-02T03:58:00.000+08:00

2008-01-29T06:14:00.000+08:00

6:13 almost time for me to head for home. Just finishing up my reports. Listening to Ne-Yo's "When You're Mad", listen to it when you have time. I miss you already...you know who you are (wink)

2008-01-29T04:45:00.001+08:00

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Monday scribble

2008-01-29T04:06:00.000+08:00

With all the audits done for January, I decided to start writing away on this blog. This past week has been amazing..that is an understatement believe me. I wish I could just explain in detail everything that has happened, its mindblowing and believe me I am still reeling from all of it. I'm not exaggerating. So here I am, typing away at work with this huge smile...I'm not sure if you're getting all this.. Thank God for new beginnings. Thank God for a fresh start.

2008-01-16T02:37:00.000+08:00

Ah, the 90's, the good ol' days. The lyrics to one of my favorite poster songs of my younger years, from one of my favorite bands of all time. yeah..those were the days. (lol) I still think Glen Phillips' voice still rocks!
Check out their homepage, yup, bring on the mem'ries.. http://www.toadthewetsprocket.com/

Walk On The Ocean
(Toad the Wet Sprocket)

We spotted the ocean at the head of the trail
Where are we going, so far away
And somebody told me that this is the place
Where everythings better, everythings safe
Walk on the ocean
Step on the stones
Flesh becomes water
Wood becomes bone
And half and hour later we packed up our things
We said wed send letters and all those little things
And they knew we were lying but they smiled just the same
It seemed theyd already forgotten wed came

Now were back at the homestead
Where the air makes you choke
And people dont know you
And trust is a joke
We dont even have pictures
Just memories to hold
That grow sweeter each season
As we slowly grow old

2008-01-15T00:30:00.000+08:00

Ghost, goblins and the supernatural...this was the center of conversation during our "15 minute yosi breaks" here at the office. Everybody does believe in this sort of of stuff one way or the other, its quite amusing really, to see grownup still talk about "tiktiks", "aswangs" "blacklady" hahaha, I really can't stop myself from laughing while writing this, but oh well, it makes more interesting talks.

Rewind: Past few days has been aweful, not sleeping well. I'm not sure if it's just my insomnia kicking in again. My mind just goes on overdrive during the wee hours of the morning, it seems to have a mind of itself (tongue in cheeck) I just have to relax and stop thinking about certain things, my overly negative, pessimistic side rears its ugly head all over again. Maybe a trip to some far flung country away from all this mumbo jumbo, complicated world that I live in might do the trick...I wonder if a trip to tibet might do the trick. Kidding. Not kidding. No, really I'm kidding.

2008-01-03T01:05:00.000+08:00

I refuse to be ordinary, to dive in to this mundane lifeless ordinary. Waking up each day, I rage, I go against this dispassionate enclave, people passing me by with sleepless eyes, zombies living their day to day life but without really living, dreamless...There is more to this life than what they say, there is more to my life than what my generation is claiming to believe. There is more to this life than living from one paycheck to the next, there is more to this life than sex, money and parties. I wanna shout out, I wanna rage against this flow, I wanna live each day as if it was my last. I wanna live my life with significance, with purpose, with honor.

"Awakening"

Face down with the LA curbside endings
With the ones and zeros.
Downtown was the perfect place to hide.
The first star that I saw last night was a headlight
Of a man-made sky, but man- made never made our dreams collide,
Collide.

Here we are now with the falling sky and the rain,
We're awakening
Here we are now with our desperate youth and the pain,
We're awakening
Maybe it's called ambition, you've been talking in your sleep
About a dream, we're awakening

Last week found me living for nothing but deadlines,
With my dead beat sky but, this town doesn't look the same tonight
These dreams started singing to me out of nowhere
And in all my life I don't know that I ever felt so alive,
Alive

I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to know that my heart's still beating
It's beating,
I'm bleeding
I want to wake up kicking and screaming
I want to live like I know what I'm leaving
I want to know that my heart's still beating
It's beating... it's beating...
I'm bleeding

Music Video Codes Myspace Music

sixtwelveAM Jan one

2008-01-01T06:06:00.000+08:00

First day Jan one, everybody's all chillin', nobody seems to be in the usual work mode here at QA, no work later tonight, everybody's all sleeping and stuff..haha. Just listening to music and watching Youtube. I can't wait to hit the sack when I get home. Currently groovin' to Mario's "How Do I Breath", I sure do miss someone like crazy right now, you know who you are(wink)...sure can't wait to see you soon.

2008-01-01T00:53:00.001+08:00

12:37 08

2008-01-01T00:39:00.000+08:00

It's officially 2008 ladies and gentlemen! back at my desk, a large box of Yellow Cab behind me, two cans of soda and the company of the rest of the QA guys. We had such a blast back at the floor during the countdown, everybody tooting their horns, hugs everywhere, even our usually serious GM got into all the fun. So whats next? I mean for this year? Well I'm real sure 08 is going to be a blast! exciting things happenin' and yep I am reading for it. Saving up for a big project this year (wink).

I'll write later, my throats kinda sore from all the shouting. Happy New Year everyone.

New Year countdown

2007-12-31T23:42:00.000+08:00

13 more minutes!

New Year and on the job

2007-12-31T20:47:00.000+08:00

It's 8:45, it's all quiet inside the QA office, I'm the first to arrive here. HR is giving away horns and santa hats, just to make things a bit more cheerful given the fact that they made everyone go to work on New Years day.

Just got back from Starbucks, Vanilla frapp might do the trick of putting a bit of that holiday cheer tonight.

currently listening to:

2007-12-22T03:50:00.000+08:00

Signal Fire/Snow Patrol

First of Summer/UrbanDub

Suger, We're going Down/Fallout Boy

This Side/Nickel Creek

Rockin' the suburbs/Ben Folds

All The Small Things/Blink182

Penny and Me/Hanson

Worktime raves

2007-12-22T00:25:00.000+08:00

Just came back from our 15minute break. Its Christmas alright, people carrying gifts and stuff, lights all over the place, there's this holiday feel everywhere, I'm enjoying every minute of it. I still have some monitoring and evaluations to finish but I'm doin' it while listening to Fall out boy (lol) someone introduced me to their kind of music and now I just can't stop listening. Its going to be a long weekend for me, no work 'till Wednesday, cool. Company party tonight, not sure if I'm comin' or not. But who knows, maybe my alter ego mr. kj won't be rearing his ugly head tonight (wink) gotta get back to work.

A declaration: The Shema

2007-12-18T04:58:00.000+08:00

This is my conviction, this my faith. Call me a Zionist, call me a kuffar, but this is where I stand.

Shema Yisra'el

Adonai Eloheinu

Adonai ehad!

Current YouTube watch list

2007-12-18T04:21:00.000+08:00

I found these very interesting, for those who are taking up comparative religion or just interested on how this age-old conflict begun, this is definitely a must-see. For us to understand the future, we have to study the past.

God's Jewish Warriors: A CNN documentary

The Crusades: The Christian and Islamic conflict

Another year in the life of a poetic ruggamuffin

2007-12-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

Monday evening. 11:28 PM. New work day.

Logging in to blogger has been tough ever since IT decided to block it from our networks. Well, I have ways to unblock if you know what I mean. Christmas, 6 days left before Christmas, 14 days left before another year begins. Reminiscing everything that has happened during the past 12 months, twelve theatrical months full of drama, comedy..even tragedy, goodbyes, hello's, closing doors, opening up new ones...new people entering my life and yes even changing my future. Everything is moving fast forward, time does not stand still nor does it slowmo's itself even for one such as me, it's as if I am looking at old photographs in midair, each one fades into nothingness as I touch them. Life is much more colorful, much more dramatic in real life as opposed to the characters I played when I did theater, in real life I get to go centerstage rather than backstage right or merely behind the curtains. I get to be the lead actor in a starring role in a unlimited act play. The world is my backdrop and IT IS AMAZING.

I guess there are still a lot of things to be thankful about, even grateful for the hard painful experiences from the past, the people, the places, all the individuals that God has used to shape me to who I am today. I know this is all old speak, cliche' ridden talk. I guess all I'm saying is, I guess you can still make a boring cerebral over-thinker like me fall in love and do headstands all over again. (I'm just kidding about that headstand thing, although the former is very much true).

About James:

James is a Q.A. analyst for an American technology company where he spends a lot of time filling out reports, emailing them to people and listening-in to calls. He loves to write, read books, drink coffee and just stay inside his newly painted terra-cotta room watching "Scrubs" or just listing to music. He doesn't like showbiz personalities, hates Pinoy Big Brother or anything that he thinks causes cerebral dysfunction. His current interest and loves are eating/hanging out anywhere near the University of Sto. Tomas where he spends time with a smashing and extraordinary lady.

Its Official

2007-12-04T04:22:00.000+08:00

Just got out of the meeting with the GM, its official, I'm going to QA!

Change

2007-12-03T22:29:00.000+08:00

There are a lot of changes going on around the office, people getting transferred to different departments, people getting promoted etc. Cathy, one of my good friends here inside Business Development was moved to the credit apps dept, although we will still be able to see each other around the office, we will still be missing her, her intelligent comments, snide remarks which to this day still manages to surprise us will not be forgotten around BD. This seemingly soft spoken Economics grad is quick-witted, smart and very opinionated is definitely not a run-of-the-mill type-o chick. Which brings me to my next barrage of chop logic; QA, yes, yours truly will be part of the QA Team starting this week, I am enthusiastic about this latest turn of events inside the company, hopefully I will be able to exceed what is expected of me.

Change is good. Things have been happening in my life in such a fast pace that my mind can't seem to cope up...in a good way. Abeit a cliche, I truly believe in the saying that when God closes doors, He opens up big ones. There was this word that I heard from one of the speakers in a conference we attended back in Australia, if my memory serves me correctly, he used the word "displacement" a shift, a change (that word again) the removal of something in order to gain something in return. We hate changes, we like our lives to be systematic, in order, logical. But life is sometimes pragmatic, change does happen and we have to admit that we have no control over this. Acceptance and to learn how to move without overly analyzing each event is important. That goes the same for past relationships, sometimes we try to hold on, cling on to something that will no longer be of benefit to us. In so many ways, we let the past control us, dictate our future, we hold on to it as if we cannot survive without the constant remembrance of our broken affairs, ironically we are even addicted to the pain, as if it's constant recollection fuels our desire to live, like an obsession we hold on to the memories of the past, the pictures, it's people even the ones that has hurt us so deeply. Ironic. We must learn to let go and yes even forgive. Until that happens, we will always be haunted by the ghost of our pasts, we will be constantly chained to the walls of unforgiveness, unable to love or recieve love.

Hmmm, I should stop writing for now. Gotta get back to work.

What we are up against.

2007-11-29T05:13:00.001+08:00

For Diane

2007-11-28T05:24:00.000+08:00

Myspace Layouts :: Music Video Codes

Women are from Venus

2007-11-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

I guess everyone already knows that cliche huh? Believe me its true. Like some kind of alien life form from another planet, these strange and wonderful beings called women are weird? They speak a different language from us, I mean believe me I tried deciphering them but to no avail, with years of dating and communication skills under my belt, you'd think I'd know everything about their particular language, but no! You may think you clearly understood what was said but heck, I'm absolutely wrong! What they really meant was well another thing! I give up! They like you. They don't like you. I mean, for god's sake make up your mind and don't keep us hanging. Venus the planet that is most earthlike of all the planets in the solar system, their densities and chemical composition are almost the same, but that is where their similarities end, hmmm..sounds like men and their strange counterpart from another planet..women. How frustrating can one get? I wish I could just take up a crash course on the female psyche or do a masters on female linguistics but well I can't. So until someone starts a school of some sort and does a study of the strange symbolical language of these beings, we men will forever be subjected to this torturous constant deciphering. Arrgghhh!!!!

Awake

2007-10-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

The room was as damp as the streets outside, it was dark inside my room.
I slowly pulled up my covers up to my head, refusing to submit to wakening just yet.
The Sandman slowly whispers to me and beckons me still, but I know better, maybe tomorrow my old friend, maybe tomorrow.
I slowly rose out of the warmth of my bed into the cold floor to begin another day.

Dreams they call out to me, beckoning me to taste the sweet and bitter of the unknown.
Tell me more about the future, awaken my eyes to the past. Let me wander some more in my slumber, let me thread through the forbidden paths.
I see but a shadow of my present, something I left way way back. Let me visit those places once again, if not, then let me dream some more.

Notes from within

2007-10-01T19:01:00.000+08:00

Life has never been easy, the childish presumptions of the past (well I was indeed a child then) that life was full of fun and games and adventure, there was no need to rationalize or to think but to accept reality as it was...the problems were left to the adults. But for us kids, the world was big, bright and wonderful. I wonder what it feels like to be a child again, as an adult I have tried to preserve the child-like attitude in me, trust...love among other things, were given chances to many. But the world does not like simple things, it does not like the pure or in this case adults with child like sensibilities. It ravages the innocent, robbing and destroying their imagination, taking away the wonder and awe of everything. Here we are, consumed and dictated upon by the world we once thought would cradle us. The innocence dies and the child inside dies.

I wonder what it's like without religion, without it's hypocrisy, without it's false hopes. Life could be much more simplier, there will be no expectations, no blind faith. I often think that I am more of a pessimist rather than an optimist, perhaps I am just a realist, it's simplier that way. What do you think?

To someone I will surely miss

2007-09-25T06:52:00.000+08:00

For some reason one of my friends recently needed to shutdown her friendster account, although she didn't explain why, she just told me it was because of a shallow reason, I already know why. I will definitely miss you Ms. D, I wish I could have gotten to know you more, thanks for being a friend and thank you for the friendship. I will always remember how we met (it was during a strange and quite peculiar situation) I was confined at the hospital and you were one of the attending nurses. I hope we meet again, take care and have a good life. And yes, pray I'll meet a good girlfriend..hehe.

2007-09-21T00:56:00.000+08:00

Waiting for Stardust the movie to come up, can't really wait to see it. I heard that it's really well done. I have had some difficulty getting a copy of Neil's books at Powebooks, they're gone even before they hit the shelves, I bet Gaiman fans are getting themselves two copies at the same time, one for reading and one to keep in mint condition, damn those nerdy comic collector types! Now, I have to order in advance once again and wait for an agonizing one month before I can get my hands on a copy of M is for Magic.

Sellout

2007-08-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

I used to be such a big fan of Starbucks, there was a time that I thought Starbucks as the epitome of everything about coffee, I applauded the company for its attempt to educate the masses about the joys of coffee drinking and cafe culture. Now, I'm not so sure anymore. I wish there were more options here in the Philippines, but well I guess I have to resort to calling my friends in the States to send me bags of Cafe Vittas beans.

Starbucks Sells Out

Why Sonic Youth and Frappucinos don't mix

August 10, 2007—When I walk into Starbucks, there are a couple things I've come to expect: One, I'll screw up the verbiage of my Mega-Grande-Retardo- Frappalicious Mochamajig™, and two, I'll be offered the chance to purchase the latest CD from Norah Jones or Sting or some other Adult Contemporary mainstay. And I like it that way—the second part, at least. Knowing that my taste in music is still hipper than Starbucks' legion of Alanis Morissette fans has always been comforting to me.

Which is why I'm saddened—no, outraged—by the recent news that the chain has enlisted art-rock demigods Sonic Youth to do a compilation. Predictably, indie ideologues are screaming "sellout!" over the band's "betrayal" of their former anticorporate code, but they're missing the point. Sonic Youth is just trying to make a buck. It's Starbucks who's betraying us.

How am I supposed to react if the next time I order a coffee they're blasting the latest Pitchfork-approved noise rock through their formerly safe and soothing speakers? Howard Schultz, you're shaking my sense of cultural superiority to the core. What's next? Will Staples begin publishing McSweeney's? Will Red Lobster produce the next Wes Anderson film, giving away free DVDs with every popcorn shrimp basket? To paraphrase Judd Nelson, If Starbucks gets hip... they'll all get hip... it'll be anarchy.

Adding insult to injury, the compilation has a nifty ironic title, Hits Are for Squares. And alterna icons like Dave Eggers and Chloë Sevigny are apparently involved in the conspiracy: They'll be selecting the tracks to be included on the disc. Et tu, Sevigny?

I'll tolerate having 35 Starbucks on my block. I'll put up with the ludicrous drink prices. I'll even suffer the angst of the blue-haired barista. But I can't go to Starbucks and hear Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon. Starbucks are for squares, Mr. Schultz, and for the love of God let's keep it that way.

— Robert Lanham

2007-06-14T06:17:00.001+08:00

Everytime I come across stories like this, I can't help but be inspired, I've been watching this video several times now and I get goosebumps everytime. Watch it.

never ever ever judge a book by its cover

2007-06-14T06:13:00.000+08:00

Phone Salesman Amazes Crowd - Watch more free videos

2007-06-14T01:21:00.001+08:00

The Next PC

2007-06-14T01:07:00.000+08:00

This is insane, think Minority Report. Think Science Fiction. Think magic. Software giant Microsoft has just released to the press the next big thing since the Personal Computer called Microsoft Surface. The gadget freaks here in the office has been sending links, photos, videos of this exciting new technology.

James's Speak

2007-06-08T00:02:00.000+08:00

I had little sleep this past two days, I woked up around 1sh in the afternoon after just a few hours of sleep, like a turtle in slow motion better describes my sleep pattern, tried reading, tried almost everything except sleep. My anxiety levels are on an all time high for no reason at all, it's as if my brain's ready to explode, thoughts keep racing inside for no reason at all. I need some kind of relaxant or mood enhancers to keep me insane and back to normal. I really need some kind of change in my life or do I? Hopefully I'll be able to get some decent shuteye this weekend. Cleaned my coffee machine, I miss the soothing smell of freshly brewed coffee, maybe that might help. Just went back to bed and stared at the ceiling, stared at my alarm clock...pure torture. Now at work and writing this, I don't even have the energy to think..need sleep, need change, need to forget. Need something.

going back

2007-05-24T23:05:00.000+08:00

I'm downright insane, fallin', gazin into your eyes...nothing like this before. I'm dreamin of daylight, sunlight...dandelions, I brush my hands against the grass. Fallin' like never before, coming back to life, going back to the basics. It's just you and me, let's fall in love once again, hold my hand and never let go. Going crazy, laughing like there's no tomorrow. Being born again, like a child, I smile, jumpin' high. I'm living life, learning to live childlike.

Friday shift writes

2007-05-12T04:57:00.000+08:00

Its friday and you know what that means! woohoo! hahaha, just feelin' that weekend jive. listening to my ipod and to some house music. I'm having my VL monday and tuesday so it's going to be a long weekend for me. Thats how life is, sometimes you're down and sometimes you just feel like flyin' hehe. I'm planning to get myself a new phone, you know just something to reward myself for working hard hehe. Oh, mom's day...gotta get my mom somethin' too. What else, oh the wedding, that too. Somehow weddings give me the jeepers creepers hehe, its like I'm allergic to it or something, I guess I'm not yet ready for that sort of thing. I have been posting some serious anti-extreme islamist stuff on this blog, it's something very personal for me you know, just my own convictions. It just blows me away to find out that there's this group of people who lives in the same planet as me who wants to destroy the rest of us who doesn't agree or think the way they do. I don't know about you but that really upsets me, makes me angry. I love my freedom, I love my faith. I think if push comes to shove, I'll be one of those people who'll be in the frontlines. Anyway, enough about that bullcrap. It's a friday and I ain't gonna let some terrorist crap ruin my day.

5:07, just a couple of more hours..hehe.

major product exam

2007-05-11T01:27:00.000+08:00

people are staring at their monitors and their cheat sheets all over the floor, because of adobe's new line of products...the Creative Suite 3, major major upgrade and really cool software if I may say so myself. Great product but a bit steep in the pricing department. I love designing stuff like webpages, did some graphics and design with YWAM so I know a bit on how this stuff brings out the really cool creative side of your brain to its full potential. If I can just get a legit copy myself...wow.

Sad news

2007-04-03T04:58:00.000+08:00

I tried calling one of my friends in the States, he did not want to talk to me. I was able to talk to his mom who told me that he was becoming a big problem. Apparently he was getting into a lot of weird stuff, staying in his room all day, reading the Bible, he constantly talks to God and well tells everyone that he has been given some revelations...he also has a lot of strange interpretations of the Bible. I am really saddened by this news.

updates

2007-02-17T03:11:00.000+08:00

Friday! Or is it Saturday? in front of my pc at work. updating and finishing up with all my profiles. Baby sitting and temporarily handling Team Testarossa. Downloaded some new podcasts to my iPod, really cool. I'm just beginning to really love this gadget, very versatile, very cool. Its been quite awhile since I updated this blog, hopefully I'll have time to do that during this weekend.

MacNews!!

2007-01-10T04:42:00.000+08:00

The tech loving people on the floor just had a field day today. The reason? MacWorld 2007. So everyone is glued to their computer screen, not busy doing their xsales or any thing of that sort, but basically eyes epoxeyd to MacDailyNews.com, macrumorslive.com and egadget.com. So whats the big news since the MacPro? The iPhone. Yup, you better believe it. The future is definitely here. Quad band, think ipod/smartphone/cool and you'll get the picture. Mac fans such as myself is definitely having a field day with this. News such as the new Apple TV, colaborations with Google, Yahoo and Cingular, I mean what can go wrong with Apple this year? And by the way its no longer Apple Computers, Steve Jobs Inc has decided to call themselves Apple Inc.

Italy fights against coffee popularized by Starbucks

2007-01-10T04:20:00.000+08:00

THE GUARDIAN, ROME
Tuesday, Jan 02, 2007, Page 6

In a fight against against the global spread of super-sized frappuccinos and iced cappuccinos, Italy has certified what it considers the classic cappuccino.

In a snub to the Starbucks-driven craze for loading gallons of hot frothy coffee-flavored liquid into cardboard pots, Italy's National Institute for Italian Espresso is defending the traditional squirt of steamed milk over a shot of espresso that is knocked back by millions of Italians every morning at zinc-topped bars all over the country.

The newly certified milky coffee, which is served only in a ceramic cup, was offered to members of parliament and ministers at an event sponsored by the parliamentary culture commission.

The institute has already given a government-backed certification to the perfect espresso coffee.

On Sunday the organization's president, Marco Paladini, stood up for the beleaguered cappuccino, promising "to protect this important expression of our national gastronomic culture ... A great success abroad, but not always made with adequate sensory quality", the newspaper Il Giornale quoted him as saying.

More froth than liquid, the Italian cappuccino can be swallowed in seconds and according to purists should leave a smear of milk on the inside of the cup. Stirring the beverage to mix the milk with the coffee that lurks in the bottom should not produce an overall brown color, but streaks of coffee in the pure white foam.

According to many Italians, the light brown color is similar to that of the robes worn by Italy's Capuchin monks, hence the name.

http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/world/archives/2007/01/02/2003343056

on call centers

2006-12-21T00:15:00.001+08:00

Contact Centers or callcenters are all the rage as of now. Companies have sprung up from nowhere (I'm waiting for someone to start a Bangladeshi or Tibetan call center here in the Philippines). Now with all this in mind. I'm a bit upset when someone tries to generalize everyone working in a "Call Center", seemingly a lot of people have this preconcieve idea that all you need to have in terms of skill in order to get hired is to be proficient in the English language, that most people who work in the industry are either highschool grads and don't require a degree to get hired. Although this is true in some cases (not to offend our neighbor upstairs hehe) not all companies are like this. I guess the major reason I am writing this, is to defend not only the industry from generalizations and preconcieve ideas but also to let people know that most of us who work in this industry are as educated and as skillful as our other counterparts in other industries. Some of the people that I work with have degrees in software engineering, programming, computer science, marketing...among others. Outsourcing, contact centers, no matter how you call it, requires skill, requires education and requires professionalism. I think I rest my case, need to go back to work.

2006-12-13T02:56:00.000+08:00

One of my faverite plces to eat in the States is Applebees, it beats the heck out of McDonalds, especially if ur looking for a cheap place to eat. Thinking about it, I do wish they'd open up a franchise here in Manila in the future.

I owe my life to a Jew

2006-12-06T20:29:00.000+08:00

Christmas is just around the corner. I'm quite frizzled a bit since I haven't even started my shopping yet. So much to do, so little time. I haven't even bought myself a shiny new iPod or cellphone yet! What about clothes?? I need new clothes for the holidays you know, a new shirt, pants, maybe a new pair of sneakers to keep my toes cozy warm. But of course there's that longer than the Bataan death march line to the cashier, I have to put up with that! And what is wrong with these cab drivers?? Asking for something extra in addition to what the meter charges, sheesh. So many problems, so many things that irritate me.

Christmas...it got me really thinking. Is this really all about me? Is this really all about shopping, new cellphones, iPods etc.. Like some kind of crazed maniac, everybody is going around without really even thinking why we're even celebrating. All this songs about Santa Clause, red nose raindeers...I mean, is this really what Christmas is all about?

And then I remember. I remember the reason for all of this. That thousands of years ago, a Jew was born. Yes, a Jew...born of simple parents, on a nondescript town... sent to change the world, sent to change your life and mine. Born so that you and I can have life and to have it abundantly, born so that you and I can be saved. Behind this hoopla, this foolish shopping orgy thats going on, I try to remember what this season really is all about. No, I think I'm gonna skip on that black iPod video I've been drooling to for months, no I don't care if I don't get the latest Nokia, I think I'm gonna try to save my money for the rainy days...maybe I'll buy some lechong manok and give it to that family that lives in that kariton. Better yet, I'm going to give remember with gratefulness, how my life has changed because of a Jew. I owe him that much. I owe my life to a Jew.

The Special Ops A47 Spetsnaz

2006-12-01T23:22:00.000+08:00

This morning, the airsoft group of OSRP, me included went to Sir Tuks house in Makati to finally get our hands on our much awaited weaponry. I finally decided on getting a Spetsnaz A47, all I can say is wow, 330 FPS out of the box and was highly recommended by some of the vet airsofters. It certainly beats the crap out of the Super M and the S-System in performance although of course the M4's still get my attention in terms of their pogi points. But of course when it comes to real tine performance specially in CQB's (close quarter battles) it's the A47 who's hands down the winner. I can't believe this is actually an Ak-47 variation, although an icon, I really have not been a through and through fan of this rifle since it's been the weapon of choice for those communist/terrorist countries, like the former Soviet Union, the Taliban has also been known to use the 47. The Spetsnaz is currently used by Special Ops teams in Russia, Poland etc.

a glimpse of my station

2006-12-01T23:15:00.000+08:00

I know, she's really pretty right? hehe, some eye candy to make work a lil bit easier and of course helps me to concentrate more on my screen hahaha.

Currently listening to...

2006-12-01T01:25:00.000+08:00

Take a Picture by Filter. Cool song.

Updates from work

2006-11-30T23:46:00.000+08:00

11:45 PM

Almost everyone is tuned in to online radios, listening in to the storm updates. It already started raining on my way to work, hopefully we can still go home early before the eye of the storm hits the metro. I'm currently tuned in to DZRB using RealPlayer.

Some more pics of the M4A1

2006-11-30T05:34:00.000+08:00

Let's get it on!

2006-11-30T05:26:00.000+08:00

The office airsoft team is about to be launched and will soon be doing combat missions by early January, as soon as the rest of the team including me completes all the gear we need. Here is a picture of my weapon of choice. M4A1 aka "Super M". Shown with some modifications, this gun definitely rocks. Unofficial name of the team: OSRP Strikers, kinda cheesy..we'll probably change it as we go along.

2006-11-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

Whenever I get dissensitized by everything thats going on around me, bombarded by media, popculture and popular opinion. Whenever I feel I've lost my way, wilderness wanderings to places and paths I should have not taken...so far away from where I should be. I try to deeply look inside of me, I draw from deep within and take root of who I really am, holding on to my faith, holding on to what I believe...my convictions. Sometimes I do not feel as strong as I was before, and my body is aching and weary from all the battles. When my face is wet with tears and all the people I call friends have gone away and there is nobody else to listen to me. I try to listen to that still small voice inside, saying that I am not alone and that when I am weak...I can hold on to someone who's strong. Whenever my doubts and fears gets the better of me, whenever I fall down, when I don't feel loved and when loneliness sets in, grace takes hold of me and picks me so I can fight another day. Whenever I am pounded by the raging waves of the daily grind, I see the faint light of the lighthouse and I am led back to the security of the shores. There is one thing I know, that I am never alone, that I am forever held by the loving arms of grace.

2006-11-27T22:10:00.000+08:00

Foreground (my fellow techie bud Jay with Khits and Grace. Thats me, the Chinese looking guy who's trying to look cute on camera.

Fridays and just lovin' my job

2006-11-25T05:44:00.000+08:00

Here I am chillin at my desk, listenin to Ja Rule, my mp3 collection to keep me company, iBook by my side. I haven't finished doing the rest of my company profilling yet, well there's no hurry..its a Friday and I'm just jiviin to this weekend feel. Me, I'm just enjoying my life, my job. Man! how many people can say that? that they love their job, but its true I do. I think I have one of the bestest job in the world. I get to work with computers, software...techie stuff, I can watch YouTube whenever I want, I get calls from my clients who like what I do for them and well, I don't have to sweat it when it comes to closing a deal. Maybe it's this music, feel good, lovelife tune. A newly opened Starbucks just a few steps from my office...boy! this must be heaven. I'm surrounded by one the coolest bunch of people this side of the planet. Man, I'm blessed. Christmas is just around the corner, I think I am really going to enjoy this coming holidays, it'll be different. Company just installed a new high tech biometric scanner, hehe how cool is that! Sometimes, change can do us good, it'll open up new opportunities. Whoah! we're going home! Somethings up! see you next week.

2006-11-17T23:56:00.000+08:00

I was listening to this song on my way to work. Beautiful, I can't stop listening to it.

Well its not far down to paradise
At least not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away
And find tranquility
Oh, the canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Baby believe me

Its not far to never-never land
No reason to pretend
And if the wind is right you can find the joy
Of innocence again
Oh, the canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Baby believe me

Sailing takes me away
To where Ive always heard it could be
Just a dream and a wind to carry me
Soon I will be free

Fantasy
It gets the best of me
When Im sailing

All the world in a reverie
Every word is a symphony
Wont you believe me?

Sailing [takes me away] takes me away
To where Ive always heard it could be [where I wanna be]
Just a dream and a wind to carry me
Soon I will be free
Soon I will be free

Ahhh....

Its not far back to sanity
At least its not for me
And if he wind is right you can sail away
And find serenity
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Baby, believe me

Sailing takes me away
To where Ive always heard it could be
Just a dream and a wind to carry me
Soon I will be free
Soon I will be free [free!]

Sailing takes me away
To where Ive always heard it could be [Ive always heard it could be]
Just a dream and a wind to carry me
Soon I will be free
Soon I will be free yeah.

2006-11-08T05:10:00.000+08:00

Go! Go! Firefox!

2006-11-08T04:39:00.000+08:00

Getting foxy with the Firefox 2.0! Quick! trash your old browser!

2006-11-08T03:45:00.000+08:00

I'm a huge Firefox fan, it is the ONLY browser I use at work, its fast, simple and easy to use, plus of course it's way way better than IE in it's security features. Check out the video, created by one of it's loyal fans. I'm personally promoting Firefox, if you're still using that slow clunky old browser you're basically living in the dark ages. This is is the future of Internet browsing.

Zunemeister!

2006-11-04T02:55:00.000+08:00

Microsofts new music player is ready to pounce upon the already crowded mp3 arena, a place wherein Apple's succesful iPod reigns supreme. Nowadays, you can see people proudly showing off their stylish white or black Videos or Nano's. Even the poser crowd is pretending to own one, with their fake shuffles and stuff. Now if you are one those people who likes to go agains the flow then the upcoming Zune will indeed be music to our ears. The question is, how finely tuned and integrated it's software will be. Let's just hope that the guy's from Seattle did their homework.